Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
