I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
