could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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