I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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