You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
