he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
