You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize