actually, I'm a sock model
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize