I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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