just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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