WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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