K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Shame - the story of my life.
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