I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
