i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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