She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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