so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
