everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize