why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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