I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
