We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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