I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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