My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
