Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
