There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
