That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
