just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
