I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
