can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need moral support for this bender
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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