my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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