We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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