We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize