If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize