Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Four minutes until I can fart!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
