I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
