I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she told me i tasted like america
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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