is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
