why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
