I like my sex mixed with concussions.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
