I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
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