In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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