Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
