I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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