Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
