We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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