I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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