Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
