I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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