Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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