He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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