Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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