I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
