i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
