Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
