in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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