just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
