After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
