Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
