He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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