I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
