I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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