How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
