Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize