so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
