Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
