Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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