So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
