Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize