You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm always down for nudity.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
