I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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