I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
